Thing I learned

Yesterday was not a good day.  It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good either.  We are starting to have busy Saturdays that take planning and coordination, which is annoying.  We needed to go grocery shopping; I had a Women's Conference for church from 10 to 3, which I had already decided I would not go to all of, and a baby shower at 4.  So Greg and I made a plan and I was in the middle of executing such plan when Rex informs me that there is a bird in the house.  Huh?  Rex doesn't mess around with stuff like that so I go to check it out--it's a mouse.  Hobbling through the entry way.  He then parked himself under the kitchen table. I go to wake Greg up, who of course, doesn't believe me, but he gets up anyway.  I was right.  A mouse, just chilling under the kitchen table.  For a man who really likes to hunt and has shot and butchered a deer himself, it sure took him a long to kill the mouse--like 10 minutes.  The mouse had already been on a sticky trap and had somehow nibbled it's way off, so it was half dead anyway.  Greg took care of the mouse (and the other one that was still on the sticky trap in the laundry area) and then things got messed up--in a good way.  Greg had planned to take the kids to the Nascar Hall of Fame while I was at the Conference after Alice's nap, but since he was up early, they left early.  They were out the door by 9:50 am.  I showered, blow dried my hair, and went grocery shopping all by myself.  I thought it would be glorious and super fast, but really I just wandered.

I came home, put the groceries away, got stuff ready for the shower and left for the Conference.  I won't say much about the Conference, but for me at least, it was not the spiritual feast I had hoped it would be.  Then, it was over 45 minutes before I thought it was supposed to be over, so then I left with the dilemma --do I drive the 35 minutes back to my house and then the 20 to the shower?  Or do I just drive to the shower, but get there 40 minutes early?  I decided to go home, but got lost so decided to just go to the shower and listen to the radio in the drive way for a while and then my GPS failed and I had no idea where I was and the freeways are not label north/south but inner/outer, whatever the *#&&% that means.  But I was near a Target, so I decided to indulge one of my mom fantasies and walk around Target by myself while I waited for my GPS to locate me and direct me to the baby shower.  (Seriously, I day dream about things like walking around Target without children or flying without children or sleeping without children).  I even gave myself permission to buy something just for me, which was hard.  I just didn't want to buy anything.  I was just in a bad mood after the Conference.  In the end, I got a new running shirt, since I mostly just wear running clothes and sweats.  

Then I went to the shower and was home at 6.   And in a terrible mood.

I got to spend the entire day by myself.  Getting into and out of the car without buckling or unbuckling any car seats.  I got to wander around 2 grocery stores and Target--TARGET people, TARGET: my favorite store where I could just buy everything, but I couldn't find anything to buy.  I went to a Relief Society Conference and to a baby shower, which I usually enjoy--spending time with women is just fun sometimes.  Sometimes.  But past the showering alone part, I just missed my family.  My missed my kids being cute and Greg telling me what to buy.  I missed going to the Hall of Fame with them because they had a really good time and I missed it.  I missed eating lunch and dinner with them.  I missed reading piles and piles of books to Rex.  I missed rocking Alice to sleep for her nap.  I missed yelling "DADDY'S HOME!"  I just missed being with them.

So the thing I learned yesterday: being selfish and spending a whole day by myself is lonely.  So next time I think I need a break from my children--some alone time, I'll remember that I really need a break with them and maybe we'll wander around Target as a family instead.