Horrible Things

These are the horrible things my family said to me between 6 and 7 pm on Tuesday the nineteenth of February, 2013.

Greg:

I had tried a new recipe for dinner--quinoa, butternut squash salad.  It looked tasty on Pinterest.  It tastes like nothing.  I said this to Greg--It tastes like nothing.  Greg responds: "Just close your eyes and pretend like you're really poor and really hungry."  Me: "Do you do that a lot?" Greg: puts more food in his mouth, head down, eyes averted.  

Next, Alice:

Alice had just finished eating dinner and was complaining to get out of her high chair so I cleaned her off and got her out.  She then said "T," which means TV.  I told her no, we weren't going to watch TV.  "T" she responds again.  "No," I tell her again.  "Iwant T," she says.  Her first complete sentence.  I want T.  Mom of the year over here.

Last, Rex:

I was hurriedly trying to tidy up the house a bit before bed when I hear Rex start to cry. "Mom, I pooped in my pants!"

Good day at my house.  Good day.

Rex's new job. Waxhaw museum.

Rex joined the work force this week when he was recruited to model for the new kids retail clothing chain "Abercrombie & Fitch Kidz".

On a separate note, today we went to the Museum of Waxhaw where we learned all we could stomach about Andrew Jackson and his gambling/drinking binges. Also, G-Pa and Alice shared this tender moment in the warming glow of the Stars and Bars. She's such a little southern bell!

Alice: A photo essay by Greg

The following is a photographic essay by me, Greg Baker. I do not read this blog so feel free to say whatever you like about me, my photographer skills, my hygiene or anything else you would never want me to read in the comments section of this post.

Begin essay now:

I am Alice. Behold me in all my adorableness.

You think I'm the cutest baby you've ever seen. I know it. I can tell by the way you sat up straighter in your chair and leaned in closer to your monitor to look at the above photograph. How can I see what you're doing right now? Never mind that. I like to do arts and crafts. Look how cute I am using my safety scissors to decorate a shamrock.

Still hung up on me being omniscient? I understand. It's best not to think about it too much. It will make you paranoid. Just remember one thing.

You are in my world now...

...and there is no escape.

End essay.

There you have it folks. That is my first and only contribution to this blog. Well, that essay and this one additional photograph:

Now that's classy!

Good night and good luck,

Gregory Hampton Baker

Dear Greg, I want a...

Remember this post from a few weeks ago?  The one where I made fun of Greg a whole bunch for being a gun-slinging hick, posted a bunch of pictures of guns, and mentioned briefly that I wanted a BOB?  Well, for the first time in his life, Greg read my blog (this is where I keep all my secrets I don't want Greg to know)--because it had pictures of guns on it, he said.  Less than a week later, this little beauty showed up on my doorstep (actually in my garage; the UPS guy was too lazy to make the walk up the stairs and around the house to the front door).  

Yes they are still in the PJs.  It was a Monday and Mondays are pajama day at our house.  And Alice picked out her slippers all by herself. She loves those newborn-sized slipped because they jingle when she walks.

That's right, I write/feature guns on my blog and I get the stroller I've been coveting since I thought about having a second child.

So now...

I want a piano, 

and a van.

(Hopefully this little trick works again)

Thanks Mom

For a brief moment in time my sister and I were Brownies. I was so excited. And then I hated it.  I hated because of Rachel Ferguson. Her mom was the leader and she thought she was the shiz.  One day at Brownies we were making necklaces  by melting plastic of some sort and gluing beads to them. I messed mine up and I knew it and of course Rachel had to say something about how ugly mine was. I was probably in third or fourth grade. I was devastated. I knew it was ugly but she didn't need to say anything. (We are not Facebook friends now, in case you were wondering.) I took my little necklace and broach home and told my mom how ugly they were and how sad I was that they were ugly. Being the good mom that she is , my mom told me they were beautiful and then wore them.  A lot. Enough that I actual thought she liked them and that they looked good. It was probably when I  was in college that for some reason I decided to go through her jewelry and found  these little treasures. They were as ugly as the day I made them. And my poor mom had worn them. For years. To make me feel good about myself.

Rex made me a shrink dink necklace at Joy School for Christmas. He was so excited to give it to me that he told me what it was weeks in advance. And thanks to my mom and her awesome example, I wear it. Not tons. But I wear it. Rex likes to tell me about each thing on the necklace every time I wear it-especially how he colored the shrinky dink and the big button. I get lots of comments from other people--the same one usually-did your kid make you that? And I very proudly answer. Yes, yes he did. It is awesome. And to be honest, I really do like it. It's got a certain my-three-year-old-made-this-because-he's-super-talented vibe to it.

I left for one hour

and came home to this.  Yes, that is Rex in the sheet and yes, that is Greg holding him up.  All I did was go grocery shopping.

I took Alice with me.  When we got home, Greg very happily calls to Alice, come here, come here.  She goes running because she just loves her dad.  Then Greg is telling her to get the treat, get the treat.  That's when I walked in.

Greg and Rex were hiding behind the couch and had put a packet of fruit snacks in the middle of the sheet and were trying to get Alice to walk onto the sheet for her eventual capture.  She was a bit too smart for them.  First, she found them behind the couch, then she refused to get on the sheet.  So Rex, went on the sheet to show her how to get the fruit snacks.  And everyone is always telling me how smart Rex is.  That's when Greg pulled the rope and caught Rex, which was hilarious.

The kids then took turns getting "caught" while I brought the groceries in.