3 Months

This is really the I love drugs post, but I didn't want to say that in the title in case the NSA was watching.  But really, I love drugs.  I spent most of Zora's 3rd month of life trying to increase my milk supply through all the natural methods (herbs, food, pumping, skin-to-skin) but I just couldn't.  I cried about it a few times because I was such a failure.  Hear me out, because I know you want to say that no mom who's trying is a failure but really, I was.

I know that I have a hard time keeping up my milk supply which is why I don't start running again until my babies are on solid foods.  But this time was worse.  Usually my babies take forever to eat but at least they only ate every 2 hours and would be happy(ish) in between, but Zora was never happy and only slept if she was held.  And for once, I really had done everything right.  I did a whole bunch of body prep before she was born (I'll spare you the details); I didn't use a nipple shield, which I normally do but which also reduces milk supply, but is also more pleasant than not using a nipple shield; I spent the first week doing some serious latch training with Zora; I was eating loads of oatmeal and nuts and even gained 5 pounds; I pumped after every feeding to increase stimulation.

 I got moderate results.  Zora would be happy for 15-20 minutes at a time, but still not happy long enough to make dinner or take a shower or play with the other kids.  I had failed.  I had done everything right and failed.  It was horrible.  Add to the feeling of failure, the feeling of being so selfish.  I was more concerned at reaching my goal of finally nursing a baby to 12 months that I was letting my baby starve (my pediatrician's words--we will not be going back to him, thankyouverymuch).  So I was tired, fat, stressed and still flushed with pregnancy hormones but with almost no time to get to a lactation specialist due to summer plans and constantly nursing a baby.  My thought all day every day was this is not sustainable.  We cannot go on living like this.  Eventually I have to be able to do things other than nurse and pump.

At 10 weeks I finally went in for my 6 week postpartum check up.  I told the midwife everything I'd done to increase my milk, she looked at my chart and noticed I have 4 kids and therefore knew my stuff, and immediately suggested Raglan.  This is a drug that I'd read about but that can also cause depression.  Well we were just about there anyway because of the crying baby situation so the midwife prescribed me some, and within 2 days the crying stopped.  I made dinner.  I cleaned the house.  I had down time.  Zora started going to bed at night (hence I can now blog again).  I understand why people like babies.  I understand how people can handle life with more than four children.

 The cloud has dispersed and the sun shines again.  I love drugs.  Why nobody offered this to me before or why I didn't find it myself and ask for it before...life would have been very different.  Maybe I had to have four very hungry babies so I could learn empathy.  Who knows, but Zora is now the most pleasant, people-loving baby.  She loves to sings; she especially likes Adele's Hello; she loves to smile; she will tolerate the Bumbo but just so she can see people; she really prefers her Nap Nanny or to just be held sitting up so she can see everyone; she has no desire to move or roll over; and she still sleeps with me for most of the night, although now Greg puts her to bed around the same time we put the other kids down so we have our lovely and important quiet nights back to ourselves.  She also finally grew out of her newborn clothes--people who say you don't need newborn clothes have never met my children.