Dear Mr. President

I'm not usually very political.  I try to stay below the radar and keep my views to myself.  But Mr. Trump has gone too far and I will not stand silent as human beings suffer.  So I wrote a letters to my Senators and House Representative and even the President himself.  Below is the text of my letter.  Please copy some or all of it and write to your representatives too.  Because humans are suffering and we cannot stand by in our comfortable, heated homes with food and water and watch it happen and still call ourselves decent people.

January 30, 2017

Dear Senator,

I am a stay-at-home mother of four and resident of Charlotte, North Carolina.  I am writing this letter to you as a fellow human being in behalf of the many refugees and immigrants trying to enter our country.  The illustrious Dr. Suess wrote, “A person’s a person no matter how small.”  To apply that to our current situation, I think it’s fair to say, A person’s a person no matter how Syrian or Iranian or Iraqi or Mexican.  People deserve to be treated well simply because they are human.

Our country has a long history of xenophobia despite our invitation to “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses” inscribed on the Statue of Liberty.  Examples of this range from discrimination against the Irish and Chinese in the nineteenth century to turning back ship loads of Jewish refugees and the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II.  We look back on these events with guilt and shame that we failed to maintain American values and treat others with respect and dignityπ.  We will feel that same guilt and shame if we do not act to help the refugees and immigrants from any country.  Refugees and immigrants deserve our help because they are human.

I ask you, as president and a human, please, oppose and do whatever is in your power to reverse President Trump’s Executive Order stopping immigration and his Executive Order to build a border wall with Mexico, as both orders promote a profound xenophobia and fail to exhibit American morals of inclusion and acceptance.  Please help reduce human suffering by allowing or even increasing the number of refugees and immigrants to our country.

Thank you,

Heather Baker

(Put your address here)

(Phone number here)

(Email address here)

 

Peace Out

A few years ago I read a blog post by Josh Weed about his wife taking a few days every year and going to a hotel just to chill.  I thought, Come on now Girl, it's not to hard raising kids.  Yeah I take that back.

Last weekend, I escaped to Utah and it was *glorious.*  The pretense was my sister and my sister-in-law's baby shower but really it was just to get away and see my family.

Zora and I flew out early Thursday morning, landing in Salt Lake in the late morning.  We met up with my mom at the airport, rented a car, then met my brother, aunt, sister and brother-in-law for lunch.  It was Noah's 28th birthday.

 Thursday night, Zora was up most of the night coughing and crying so Friday morning, after a long, hot shower, Zora and I took a nice long morning nap, then we hung out a bit, then we went with my mom and sister-in-law to get our nails done.  That night we went up to the ice caves in Midway.  I wore my Vans.  I thought my toes were going to fall off.

 Friday night, Zora spent most of the night coughing and crying again.  But Saturday was the shower, so we did that.  After the shower, I ditched my mom and sister to clean up so I could put Zora down for a nap.  And I took one too.  When I woke up, she was still sleeping, so sat on the couch and read and chatted and did nothing.  When Zora finally woke up that evening, my grandpa took us up to my uncle's house for a check up (he's a doctor).  I was getting nervous about taking Zora on a plane with all her coughing.  She was fine.  Just congested.  She went back to bed when we got back to my grandparents, so I read and sat and did nothing some more.

I hand cut out 100 stars for the back drop.

Poor little drunk baby Zora did not feel well

 Saturday night Zora slept like a dream.  We were late to church Sunday then she slept through all of Relief Society.  When we got home, I put her down for another nap.  She slept for hours, while I read and did nothing.  She woke up briefly during the huge family dinner we had with all my aunts and uncles in Utah and a few of the cousins.  Then she went back to bed and slept all night.

*I'll take a time out here: one my favorite parts about the trip (aside from just sitting on a couch and reading and doing nothing) was watching my grandparents.  They are both in their 80s and have been retired for over 20 years--almost my entire life, but they were flirting with each other the entire time I was at their house.  They were constantly teasing and giggling at each other.  They know their time on Earth is limited, so at one point my grandma said to me, "If he goes, I hope I go too.  I don't want to be stuck here without him."  That, my blog readers, is what lots of years of marriage gets you (maybe 60, I'm not sure, a lot).  <>

We forgot to take a picture with all the sisters--Jess flew out Sunday morning.  This is before Amber left the first time Sunday night--she ended up getting stuck in Utah until Wednesday because there was so much snow and the 80 was closed so she couldn't drive home.

I booked the wrong flight home so Monday morning Zora and I cleaned my grandparents basement and hung out a bit before heading to the airport.  By this time, Zora was feeling much better and we got a window seat so she spent a lot of the flight looking out the window.  It was cute.

 We got home around midnight Monday night.  Tuesday Greg was kind enough to get up with Rex again because I was just not feeling it.  Relaxing for 5 days was just too nice and I didn't want to stop.  Now I've just got to think up another reason for me to escape to Utah again.

Update

I've been working really hard on getting better the last month and controlling my anxiety.

First, we finally moved Zora out of our room and into a room with Rex.  He sleeps like a rock and I sleep better when I can't hear her every movement.  I've also started making her take 3 naps instead of 2 and she's finally sleeping more than 2 hours at night.  I also take a nap every day.  Other moms read or look at their phones or do whatever else they need in the in middle of the day to regroup.  I sleep.  If I try any of that other stuff, my kids still bug me.  But if I'm asleep, or pretending to be asleep, they seem to understand better not to bug mom.

But even with more sleep, my anxiety sky rockets as the sun sets.  The walls of the house slowly close in on me.  Mostly I think I work myself up over how many times Zora will be up at night.  So one of my old young women and I tell each other two good things that happened each day to each other.  It's actually helping quite a bit.  So that as the walls are closing in, I push them back out with little bits of gratitude for my day.  Because really, I have a pretty cushy life.  My children are generally well-behaved.  Greg works from home so he actually helps out with them a lot, especially in the afternoons when he forces them to play with him (yes, force.  How many kids do you know who complain about their dad wanting to spend too much time with them?  My little ingrates do.)  It's a funny thing that Anxiety and Depression do, they let you window shop at how good your life is but don't let you touch, they make sure that window stays there and then make you feel guilty that you just can't reach the near-perfection that is your life.  They really are mean little suckers.

Here are some of the good things that have happened:

During Christmas Break I took the kids to QT and then to Wal Mart to spend their Christmas money.  I had to consciously tell myself to stay calm and let the kids enjoy their shopping.  And we did.  Then we came home and played with more new toys.  Though I did get in trouble for taking the kids to QT.  Apparently Greg wanted to do that.  Oops.  But he was off hunting or something like that, so it's not like he was slaving about while we partied.

 We also went to Defy Gravity with the Baker cousins one day.

 Rex fell and hit his jaw on his knee and cut his tongue with his teeth.  My brother in the law, the doctor, told us to skip the ER and Urgent Care because they would just refer us to an oral surgeon, so I called our dentist for a recommendation and it turns out she's an oral surgeon.  Well that worked out well.  Rex was super nervous to get the stitches but a little laughing gas and some lies about what the dentist was actually doing and he did great.  He got 5 stitches in his tongue.  So that was a good thing--the dentist was nicer and cheaper than the ER.

 Rex is also really into baking lately and I enjoy watching him.  Although he does get a little territorial over the kitchen and won't let the other kids in because he wants to do it all by himself.

 Henry is still a major menace, but something about his destructive behavior just melts my heart.  He is so naughty, but I just love him the more for it.  Probably because everyone else just yells at him and I feel so bad for him.  He just has low impulse control.

 Aside from Zora not sleeping, the thing that causes the most anxiety is my kids being bored.  I worry about it constantly--what are we going to do today?  what are we going to do after dinner?  why can't my kids just play quietly like other people's kids?  I know I shouldn't worry about it and just let them play.  But my kids don't.  They just jump on the couch and then I worry about my kids and their bad manners that they think they can just jump on the couch and then that they don't listen to me when I tell them to stop.  As I'm typing this I can hear all the older moms say, "It doesn't really matter" or "This too shall pass"  and I try to tell myself that, but in the moment, at the time, it just stresses me out, which is why we need  playroom where I can't see what they're doing and they can just have fun.

 One day they all put on their aprons that Alice made for them and worked together to make cookies.  It was sweet.

 Zora thought her first sink bath was pretty fun. If my sink weren't always full of dishes I'd let her do it more.

 Alice really wants it to be her birthday day so she insisted that we have a bathroom photo shoot.  She struggles with being younger and shorter than all the other kids in her Primary class.

 This week started off with cancelled basketball on Saturday, followed by cancelled church on Sunday, and no school on Monday or Tuesday due to snow and ice, which wasn't as magical as it usually is because Anxiety was worried too much about how to entertain the children for so long.  I know I'm not supposed to be the entertainer-in-chief at my house, but Anxiety just can't let it go.  The children must be 100% entertained at all times or they just get naughty and whiny and are wasting their lives away and they will die.  Anxiety is so irrational sometimes.

 We ended the week with a few 70 degree days so I put chores aside and played outside with Greg and Zora while my kids whined about it being too hot and went inside.  The sunshine and physical activity destroyed Anxiety those days.

Most days I feel pretty good.  I talk myself out of a lot of things and remind myself that dishes don't always have to be done, and kids don't always have to be entertained, and that reading with my kids cuddled up on the couch is one of my favorite things, and I've started asking Greg to put Zora to bed more often and I feel good most days.  The dark is still not my favorite and I still wish we had a playroom for the kids, but I have at least 2 good things happen to me every day and I tell my young woman that and she tells me hers.  And I'm thankful for that.

Christmas 2016

So we Christmased.  Two weeks ago.  And it was ok.

I know I'm a bit of a downer but Christmas is not my favorite holiday.  I really want it to be about Jesus and I try to make it be about Jesus.  We have special family nights every week of December where we talk about the prophescies of Christ's coming and his birth and all those who visited the baby Jesus.  I read and reread the accounts in Luke and Matthew and 3 Nephi of Christ's birth and this year I had some really interesting insights about Mary (That she is the epitome of faith--she accepted her role as the mother of the Savior of the World without fully understanding what all that entailed).

But in the end, Christmas is about gifts.  And now that my kids understand that they're getting a bunch of gifts their expectations sore, along with my stress.  Who can look at a child's face, bright with the anticipation of Christmas and not worry about crushing all his little dreams?  And to make it worse, this year Alice didn't even ask for anything so we just had to guess at how to maintain her innocence.  It's just too stressful.  If I mess up a holiday like St. Patrick's Day or Valentine's Day, no big deal.  It's a small holiday anyway, but Christmas is the big one.

Add to that the postpartum stuff I had going on and December was a rough a month.

But we got through it and the kids enjoyed Christmas.  Although Alice was disappointed at the number of gifts she got.  Maybe it's time to re-evaluate our Christmas gift policy.

Here's the break down:

Christmas Eve morning I ran a 5k since this is the first year in a long time that we didn't host dinner.  I was really sad not to host this year, but with the number of Bakers there are in the area now plus Emma and Travis drove out, it just didn't make sense to do it at our house.  That afternoon, we went to Allen and Sahar's for dinner, Bingo and the nativity, which was the worst nativity I've ever put on.

Greg's aunt sent this super cute outfit for Zora for Christmas Eve

Cora as Mary with Wesley as the shepherd.

Rex as Joseph, Cora as Mary and Alice as Anna.

Henry was the angel this year and stabbed Mary with his star.

Matching the Robins cousins who were all in Seattle--Rex had just thrown a royal tantrum about not liking his Bingo prize, being tried, not having friends at school, math being too hard etc etc.  Being a mom and know when and when not to react is hard.

Santa came.

Christmas Day the kids were up at 6:30, which isn't bad.  We left them look at their presents from Santa since Santa doesn't wrap gifts at our house and open their stockings before getting ready for 9 am church.  After church, Greg had to write a few checks for the Bishop so Alice threw a tantrum in the car on the way home about having to wait longer to open presents.  We barely had time to put the traditional baked french toast in the oven before Greg got home.  We opened presents.  We ate breakfast, or at least Greg and I did.  We played with presents for a bit.  We drove up to Greg's sister's house in Greensboro and spent the rest of the day just hanging out.  We drove home and went to bed.

Santa brought Henry a bike with pedals

The highlight of the day was the QT gift cards Santa brought

Christmas morning j

 Sunday Best:

 Opening presents: