Mom of the Year Over Here

October 14, 2014: Rex's first field trip.  I tried to be a good mom.  My mom is a pretty good mom and she always went on my class field trips, so I decided to do likewise.  I sent Alice on an extra long play date and even hired a babysitter for Henry and off I went to be a good mom.  And then all my old insecurities from high school crept back in.  As an adult, in adult situations, I'm fairly confident.  But in a school, I'm 14 again.  I was nervous to walk to up to Rex and say hi because he might not want to be friends with me.  And then I didn't want to sit too close to him because I might embarrass him.  He didn't seem to really care that I was there and kept running off--he even rejected my offer of water because it wasn't cold enough and opted in wait in line at the one drinking fountain for a 3 second drink.  And then, at the end of the field trip, I just kind of left.  The other moms all held their kids' hands and took a billion pictures and walked them to the bus, but I was too nervous that Rex wouldn't want me around so I waved from a distance and left.  

In all honesty, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act around Rex.  I want to maintain a certain level of coolness--not hot mom cool, but cool enough to be present so that I can keep my all-seeing mom eye on him.  So instead of hanging out with Rex, I returned to confident adult Heather and tried to actually be helpful to the teacher.  I put faces to names of kids in Rex's class and starting making mental notes of the kids he can and cannot play with--some of those kindergartners were mean.

And then I took this picture and I'm super glad I didn't look at it until I got home because I'm pretty sure I look like an 80-year-old.  I thought I was maintaining my youth and thought to myself that I look the same as I did when I married.  I was wrong.  Greg, so kindly, confirmed "Well, it's not the most flattering picture of you."  He's such a diplomat. 

Then on Friday, putting aside my semi-failure of Tuesday, I went back to the school to watch Rex run in the Fun Run.  Again, I asked myself WWMMD? (what would my mom do?) Answer: make a sign and bring Gatoraide--which she did for nearly all my cross country races.  So Alice and I made a sign for Rex and ran to the grocery store. Rex thought the sign was pretty cool and made sure to tell Alice that she should hold it up higher every time he ran by.  He also made sure his friends knew he wasn't drinking water like them.  We cheered for a few laps.  Then, because I was in my running clothes with my giant stroller, having just finished a run before coming to the school, one of the aides asked if I was going to run. I didn't know that parents were supposed to run too.  And out came 14-year-old, school Heather again--what if I embarrass Rex?  I do run a little funny.  And I've go this giant stroller?  And am I supposed to run my normal pace and run over all the kindergartners?  Or does Rex want me to run with him?  Ultimately I decided that the track was only an eighth of a mile and was full of kindergartners and I didn't want to run any over with my giant stroller and Alice wanted to participate too, so we walked 5 laps.  We tried walking with Rex a bit, but he just ran ahead of us and our 3-year-old legs.  And when it was over, I gave Rex a wave and left.  Very unceremoniously.  Was I supposed to hug and kiss him?  Not sure.  I'm just not sure how to be the mom that my kids respect but still let into their private lives.  I got in the car, feeling like I'd let Rex down for not smothering him with kisses and hand-holding like the other moms did to their kids, but he didn't seem to care.   Luckily I added a kid to my "do not play" list, so at least it wasn't a complete fail (and the teacher, aides, volunteers--basically all the adults--thought my sign was pretty rad.  Adults like me.)