9.16.11

In one hour and ten minutes, I will officially be 39 weeks...or 40 if we're going by my original due date.  As such I have a few thoughts.

First, we all know that I'm not a great photographer...

Second, I convinced myself that I'd have this little baby at 38 weeks, so last weekend.  Every night this week, I've put Rex down, and then sat on the couch and thought to myself, ok, let's go.  I'm ready for this.  And then nothing.  So I'd try to find something to do to productively occupy my evening.  And every morning I'd wake up and think, Oh crap, still no baby, what am I going to do today?  You see, because I have convinced myself that I'd have a baby, I had not made any plans to do anything--I thought I'd be too busy sleeping and feeding baby, and then I wasn't...

And then today, I was rudely awoken from a nap by a hurty tummy.  I couldn't decide what it was, and still can't for that matter.  It could have been contractions, only it was a constant feeling of ick.  More like a stomach ache or the flu than the surges of discomfort I remember contractions being.  But then again, with Rex, I didn't have the slow build up to hard labor.  I just had hard labor.  So what did I do?  I freaked out.  I've been waiting to have a baby.  Practicing my relaxation and then being very impatient for her to arrive.  I was ready to just get it over with.  Like a band-aide or a test that you've studied and studied for and you're just going to go to the testing center and take it even if you're not 100% ready but you just want to get it over with so you don't have to stress about it anymore.  But then I thought that maybe today would be the day and I freaked out.  I remember what having Rex was like.  I didn't really want to do that again.  So I went to the bathroom and had a little chat with myself.  I replayed the videos of Holly in labor and reminded myself that that's what my labor could be like--so serene and call--just like Holly's.  I just have to calm down first and then I felt much better and made the final preparations for baby--recharged all the camera batteries; dumped the memory cards; etc.  And I started feeling much better.

And now, how to do I feel?  Still a little like I have the flu.  I might want to throw up just a little bit.  I'm still not sure whether or not I was having contractions.  I guess we'll see in the morning.  If I have a baby, then they were contractions.  If not, then maybe I just ate something bad.  Either way, it would be best if baby could wait until at least Monday, when my doula will be back up from her surgery.  I am paying her a lot of money after all, it would be nice if she could attend the birth--that is what I'm paying her for.