1.4.11: Am I going to hell?

I spend a good part of every evening reading blogs. And, as of late, most of them have been about new years resolutions/goals, which got me to think about mine and my life in general.

I'm having a bit of cognitive dissonance (if that's the right word to use; it's been a long time since I've taken high school psychology) about my life right now. On the one hand, I am very happy and not stressed at all. I spend pretty much all day, every day doing things I love, one of which happens to be the feeling of my eyelids on my eyeballs. I go to bed satisfied but not particularly tired every night and wake up when I feel like it--I'm not sure when Rex wakes up, I find him playing quietly in his crib most mornings. I feel like I get most of the most important things done--I play with Rex and I spend time with Greg.

On the other hand, I feel guilty at the amount of time I spend being idle, especially when considering the pioneers, farmers, other people I know, or Greg. Rex takes a 3 hour nap everyday, and what do I do during that time--read. Grant it, I try to read books on parenting or other matters that will advance me in my motherhood/wifehood career, but could I be doing something more productive? Rex goes to bed at 8, and what do I do after that? I went back to the track tonight (it was closed over the holiday), but now I'm doing this. How important is this? I consider it like journaling, but is it really? Is there something more important I could be doing?

I just don't want to get to the end of my life and say, "Wow, I wasted a lot of time. I should've done more with my life." But at the same time, I do want to be able to say, "I was a pretty good mom. I put all my effort into it. I was a pretty good wife. I put all my effort into that. And I had fun with my hubs and my kids [hopefully we'll have more than 1 by the time I die] and we have good relationships and we are all going to the Celestial Kingdom together." But will I get to the Celestial Kingdom if I stay this idle? Or, is every one else just over worked and I've found the perfect balance and everyone should be more like me? I just don't know.

Having said that, here are my goals for the year:

--Be better at grocery shopping. I don't need to save 70% on my groceries, but I'd like to spend about 10% less. I don't want shopping for food to be my life, but I'd like to spend less on it at the same time.

--Communicate better. I feel like either I get my way and offend a lot of people, or I don't get my way and don't offend people. I would like for everyone to be happy and unoffended.

--Save a bit from every pay check. This is a goal every year and for a while Greg and I were really good at it, but lately we've sucked. Saving is like tithing, do it first so it hurts less.

--Paint the kitchen and my bedroom. Greg and I painted our kitchen last year but just last week admitted to each other that neither one of us like the color but were too afraid of offended the other so we left it (see what I mean from #2 above).

--Make curtains for the living room and kitchen.

--Learn the stories of Jesus and tell them to Rex frequently.

And there you go. My list.

Greg would like to

--finish the undisclosed application he is currently working on--more details when he's done

--Become a Microsoft Certified Developer.